Lonly wife search single women wanting sex matthew x : x adultery this post probably isn't for me, but i feel like it would give me a sense of closure to respond... i don't believe in cheating, not for myself anyway... i don't judge others who do, we all walk our own path, and it's not for me to judge anyones elses choices... however, i do believe that not everything is so black and white... i don't consider what i did to be cheating... so if others feel it is, please respond, but not with evilness, be truthful, but with some empathy... i was in a loveless marriage to a physiy abusive, and extremely mentally abusive man... xxx who told me daily to go out and get a boyfriend, to go get laid... he also told me that i was unlovable, that even my bioligical mother didn't want me, and that my adopted parents ran away to escape me... he cheated on me, after he got me pregnant on purpose to own me... i stayed in this marriage for x years trying to love him and understand him the best i could... i tried to help him understand that i couldn't listen to the evil things he said daily without it xxx day becoming to much for me to edure... i just wanted to know what it felt like to find someone who truly loved me, and accepted me for who i was... i was no saint before i met this man, and he never let me forget who i once was... then xxx day he breaks my daughters nose... i had hit my breaking point... i just lost my mind, and began to tell myself the time had come to get out of the marriage... i told him this... not that he believed i would ever leave him, but i told him... many, many times... i stayed for my daughter... when it became clear that she was suffering too, i knew i no longer could stay... i began to tell him daily that i wanted him to sign divorce papers, and even handed them to him which he ripped up in my face... he told me he would not leave, and he would sneak into my room and molest me while i was sleeping... fast forward a few months later... i'm going on a weekend trip, and i'm packing in my room, he comes in and starts verbally assaulting me... he pushes me... and sticks his hands into my chest saying "i mean it, go out and get yourself a boyfriend, i don't fucking care, get laid, you are a fat, ugly, cunt, slut, whore, and i fucking hate you" blah, blah, blah, he said so much more but it was in the moments of those words that i decided i was cancelling my plane ticket, and driving to do formulate a plan... i needed to talk to my higher self and God to get some guidance... i do these things best on a long drive... x hours worth of talking, and signs from the universe convinced me that i was all set to leave, that i was supported by the universe, that i had done my best, and i could leave with the blessings of God, who only wanted the best for me... not a life filled with sadness, and abuse... i meet someone on this trip that takes my breath away... i have never experienced that sort of feeling in my life... this man and i only talked, no sexual contact what so ever... after our conversation i leave dazed and confused about these feelings i was having... so i make my journey home... i still cant figure it out, all the signs, and the timing of meeting said person... on my drive home i ask the universe if i should persue this person, women wanting big cocks bottoms wanna ride this ladies i am only looking for your opinion and i got hundreds of yes' in the form of signs... i know, it's silly, Patterson Louisiana pussy xxx but at the time i really believed in them... i get home and my husband had locked me out, he comes to let me in, and starts in on me immediately with his abusive nature... i tell him i met someone that i like... i want out, and i want a divorce, period... he tells me to fuck off, and go fuck him... at that point i was hoping for him to realize that he had issues with anger, and alcohol, but instead as usual he put it all on me... i this guy i met, and meet up with him... i ask him not to kiss me, and he does anyway... the best kiss i had ever experienced... i stop kissing him and say "i cant" but i'm so attracted to him that when he asks to play with my feet, i don't want the night to end... i just want to stay with him and i allow him to play with them... and yes, it wasnt just his hands on them... he used my feet in a provocative way, and i enjoyed it... my husband had cheated on me for a long time, and i felt this was just so minor in compairison... i went home and again stated that i would like a divorce... that i met someone i really liked... i thought about it, and i tried to reconcile things with him a few times, but when the abuse just wouldnt stop i put my all into pursuing the man i really liked... then my best friend, and relative tells me a hum dinger of a story that she kept a secret for x years... it involves her, and my husband... she tells me he abused her in the same manner he abused me... molesting her in her sleep... i confront him, and he denies it... a few days later i'm alone in my room as he comes in the doorway and and says "i'm gonna fight you" and he meant it... he jumped on top of me and tried to strangle me... i reach for the as best i could he smashes it... i get super human strength and somehow manage to use my legs to push this enormous man off me, and go running for another ... he chases me and gets it free from my hands... smashes that xxx too... i'm now trapped in a bathroom with no way to get out... he begins throwing me around, i'm bouncing off walls and doors... when he's was done with that, he literally picks me up by my hair and shirt and throws me out the front door, and slams my dog into it as she tries to protect and follow me... that was the end of our marriage... at xxx point i tried to reconcile for the sake of our daughter, but i realized that i never wanted her to be in a relationship like that, so why give her that example to follow... i then really pursue this man i liked... for months... and years even... i could have cheated and stayed married... i could have pretended and kept the facade going... just ignoring his abuse, and going numb when he began with it... i had learned to do that... but i really felt like if i stayed, and lived off his money, using him for just the material possesions out of life that i would be more of a cheater... i tried to break things off before i went out on a date with this man that i adored... i was ignored... so i ask... am i a cheater... is it all just black and white... i'm such a loving, and giving person, women wanting big cocks bottoms wanna ride this ladies i am only looking for your opinion who tries each day to do her very best... to always do the right thing... but it seems i have been so judged for this xxx .. i just felt like if i didn't pursue him until the ink was dry, i would have missed out on my xxx chance of finding someone who may truly love me... for the record, he didn't... but, that is neither here nor there... i'm a beautiful girl, and i have a heart of gold... someone will someday... i think he was put in my path for me to get my chance at finding that person... black and white??? or shades of grey???

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